1.
it is strange to see you
older and out of love with me

it is similarly strange to see me
younger and out of love with you.

i want to
throw my arms around your neck
and say

thank you for
leading me to believe in love,
thank you for
showing me what the cock does
when it crows and summons the morning.

thank you for laying in my bed,
breathing my breath.
thank you for laying in my bed,
with your head on my breast
listening to the fluttering
bird in its nest.
thank you for staining my bed-
with your salt, it was blessed.
thank you for leaving my bed,
giving my dreams to its next.

thank you for, out of all the rest,
choosing me as the first, remembering
me with the best.

thank you for june,
and then june again.
thank you for december, and
december, amen.
thank you for the time
that helped me break my body in-
thank you for two ticks
on the wall of not-forever.
thank you for june to june to december.

2.
in a few years,
when you are older still and i am
getting even younger, i want to take
you out to dinner. we'll trade adventures
and you'll say i used to be thinner. we'll
smoke a joint and laugh and remember. we'll
both go home to homes that fit us better- in
pretty beds with pretty eyes that scatter pretty
pictures- that will be soft, and blue,
and june to december. goodnight, dream tight-
sleep seldom makes the night.

you're wearing that white t-shirt, barely
tucked in and see-through-touch-me thin-
it reminds me of that one time
we grew up and dressed all nice:


we took straight shots of vodka
and you took me to green valley grill,
which makes me think of some lush
vineyard or dairy farm on a hill
with fat orange moonrises and
sweet milky sunshine all the time,
all the time. and maybe even bare-chested
women serving endless kisses and wine-
instead:
we walked in, my arm through your arm- because
god almighty the world is done, over, if
i can even walk in high heels sober-
and fuzzy vodka-winged daydream fell
and shook like a dime on the ground.
every male: prototypical 40+ with
a woman half his age (double the bust)
and a fat salary, 100k+, and a dick so shriveled up,
that the girl's gotta be drunk and he's gotta
over-thrust for her to feel a thing.    

we just thought the whole thing was funny
and the bread was fresh and you rubbed me
under the table, hand on knee, hand on thigh,
hand kept creeping 'til it got too high!     oh me, oh my
sugar sweet, custard pie, finish your dinner and you
might get a slice- oh, fuck it.
you paid the check and i took
my heels off in the parking lot and in the car
i touched myself and put my fingers in your mouth,
and we were barely through the door
before you were fucking me on your desk,
stockings still stuck on one leg-
you looked so fancy in crisp
purple, your face contorting
into the comfort i recognized
when you came and said my name.